Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Oh sweet mother Mary...

Today I reached a new low.

Let me set the scene: The entire office took a 15 minute break and gathered in the center of the room to attend the retirement party for one of my co-workers. Yes, that's right - give us 30+ years of your life and we will celebrate over brownies for 15 minutes. Anywho... the point is that everyone was there.

I had been standing in the crowd for ten minutes when a woman taps me on the shoulder. "Uhm," she whispered, "your skirt isn't zipped up." I put my hands over my behind and yup, there's a big hole. "Oh my god," I whisper back, as I slowly retreat to the ladies room.

As I'm walking there, I think to myself, "Didn't I zip it up this morning? I'm sure I did." And when I reach the restroom, I realize three things:

1. Yes, I did zip it up this morning.
2. The zip is completely busted, meaning the zipper is at the top and the teeth have torn themselves apart.
3. I have on a thong and the entire "T" of the thong (including tush!) has been on show for God-knows how long.

Now I'd like to point out that 1) this skirt fits, it's even a little big and 2) I bought it three days ago. The zipper should not have busted.

Now the story gets worse. I manage to get the zipper half way down the zip, thus "re-zipping" the top of the zipper but still leaving a sizable hole where the teeth won't close. I man-handle this skirt for another four or five minutes before completely breaking the zipper pull OFF one side.

I now have a huge hole exposing my tush with no way to fix it. I contemplate telling my boss I have to go home. No go - I have meetings that I absolutely cannot miss. I've been out of the office since Thursday and this week is short enough with the holiday.

So what's a girl to do? I can't pin it because it would require about five pins and would still be on display every time I stood up. I decide that I shall have to break my rule about looking put-together at the office. Desperate times = desperate measures.

I hiked my skirt up so that the hole was covered by my sweater. What was once a neat, knee-length pencil skirt became a mini. I then grabbed my emergency fleece shawl neck cardigan (worn ONLY on casual Fridays and even then ONLY at my desk) and threw it on. It covered my tush enough that I felt I could make it through my meetings with some strategic notebook placement while walking the halls.

I made it through the day even though I got some really strange looks from people.

Gap is going to get a mouthful when I return that blasted skirt tomorrow.


Kate said...

At least someone told you!!

One of my friends went HOURS flashing people before someone (who she didn't even know) told her

Wila (aka Ali) said...

Oh dear...quite a day. You made the best of the situation, though, and that's something to be proud of! You could have gone Scarlett on yourself and ripped down some curtains and draped them around your body like a fabulous frock! (Though I guess most offices don't have curtains...)

lisagh said...

Oh bless your heart! I'm so sorry, but I had a little chuckle at the end of your story :)

Traci Anne said...

WOW. I agree, at least someone told you!!

Anonymous said...

Congratulations on your swift and creative response!!

Lauren said...

I am glad you came up with a solution! I have a pair of jeans that ripped diagonally across the back when I was having dinner with my now husband, his parents, and his grandmother. I was mortified and went home in the middle of dinner.

Enjoy your weekend!

Always Organizing said...

OMG! That actually happened to me at work once. The underlining of my skirt ripped up the side and only the sheer overlay was covering me. I put a bunch of safety pins in it and tried not to move much the rest of the day!

Elliott said...

*chuckle* Thanks for the kind words, y'all. I was pretty much mortified the entire day. But it goes to show - that which doesn't kill you only makes you look foolish for an afternoon. :)

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Oh no!! Glad you were able to cover it up. I have a friend who went all day without anyone telling her. It was like the end of the day before she figured it out.